Different Approach
I have been in deep thinkers mode lately; just too many questions in my head. A letter came in this morning from the Lowlands and it ended up unopened on top of the one that has been lying on my desk for at least two weeks now. Both from the same sender. I wonder what is keeping me from opening and reading them. I don't know the answer but if I had to guess it's probably because I might be afraid of having to read about someone's disappointment. Knowing that I can't be there for her, coz I have my own worries.
Mine are that I don't understand what I'm dealing with over here and it's utterly frustrating because I'm in a catch-22 so it seems. So I've decided to adopt a different approach to things which basically means I will have to work extremely hard over the next couple of months to get where I need to be after the summer. No more time for faffing but trying to stay focused. It's not just a personal situation, it's also the fact that whatever is going on in this country, it ain't positive at all and not just scare stories...
I don't watch the news and I try to avoid the free papers. Reading about a recession and how it affects the economy is not very uplifting. It's 'just' another thing that adds up to the list. I've exchanged emails with an English friend and told him that I was thinking about moving back and how it would feel like a failure to me. Admitting to someone that those thoughts have crossed my mind was a hard thing to do. But he reminded me of something he wrote last year when we first started to exchange emails.
He said it's good to always know that I could return to the Lowlands and that I shouldn't view it as failure. If anything I should see it as England failed me... He is right, giving up is not my style but having to deal with e.g.: negative figures, a credit crunch, people who take their savings out of the bank and a rising number of unemployment etc. plus struggles that I have in reaching my number one goal which is basically related to everything I just mentioned is not that simple and can be really disheartening most of the time.
But I've made a decision and I'm gonna stick with it... Next week I'll be visiting the summer fair and will network my way into more business. I'm gonna prepare a strategy, keep a stack of business cards ready, wear a gorgeous dress and my nicest smile and talk the talk. Because by the end of the summer I want to have at least six showcases online. I have one showcase in already and will start working on it tomorrow. It's a total redesign for an online shop that sells leather products to high street department stores like Debenhams, House of Fraser etc.
It's an exciting project because I've never used e-commerce software before. It comes with my hosting package as well: so first thing tomorrow will be installing it on my server. That way I can test the redesigned templates and get familiar with the front- and back-end of the software. Sunday I'll be meeting up with a garden landscaper to chat about a web design. And today I've finished a second Flash website for a client in Scotland. Over the weekend I'll have to finish a gallery to add to the first website that I did earlier this year.
So forgive me if I seem to have vanished, it's temporary because I really need to stay focused...
Seems to me you are very determined. :) You are gonna do GREAT no matter where ya are. I just know it.
:)
There is no failure remember, only chances to learn something new. :)
HUGS Love and Light,
Mon
I am ;)
I have to be :)
Thank you Monica for your encouraging words! I need my healthy portion of arrogance back *hehe* Guess it's slightly covered in dust on the surface so it's in need of some polishing...
I love your thought about 'no failure' thanks again for showing me a different perspective, you're lessons are more than welcome! *HUG*
I'll send you email over the weekend! Looking forward to starting the projects!
I know what you mean. Because of the credit crunch my department had to shut down and I had just moved to our new flat so it was like a bucket of cold water...you know...feeling that I would be unemployed but then fortunately there is the transfer to the other department so luckily things have turned out all right. What I can tell you is that well...we will survive :) Here or there we will make it :) But for that we have to fight as you are doing with all that positive energy re the showcases and your projects. The important thing is to breath, relax and try to do your best :) As you said, focusing in achieving what you want is also part of the most important thing :)
Hugs,
Hey Tess,
at the end of the day it is what you feel. The whole fulcrum of the story is one, are you happy what you are doing. That is the first question. I think I should not be doing something I hate and that is the starting point. As with regards to questions that remain un-answered, it is a way of seeing things. If questions don't exist then neither answerers :-) I am living a continuous dilemma to remain or to leave my country behind but would that help me find what I am looking for ?
Wen: oooh, I'm sorry to hear! I didn't realise that you could've lost your job. I assumed the transfer was already planned as a result of the shut down of your department. Wow I can imagine that must have been quite stressful then but yes I'm glad things turned out well for you! :)
I feel that being an Expat can be quite challenging at times since we seem to have struggles that are no struggles to the people of the host country. We have to gather information not even knowing where to get it from *hehe* What others take for granted is a struggle to us but yes we are strong and we'll make it! I hear you... *hug*
Reuben: hi Reuben, I guess in general I am happy what I'm doing but what gets to me at times is 'being-the-Expat' and having to find out solutions myself without getting any help or feedback. In this case I'm having bureaucracy against me and I can't find a way to get through which is utterly frustrating especially when one needs a job and income!
Questions come and go, I'm a deep thinker so they're part of me and not a bad thing at all but I do need to reflect every now and then, a check to see if I'm still on the right path if you know what I mean. I don't know if leaving the country would give you what you look for but what I DO know is that if you don't try, you will never find out. And exactly that... is what keeps most people from making the leap.
If you want to find out the only way is to DO it... and no matter what happens, you've tried... It's the bravest thing to do and the ultimate way to love oneself... but that's just my humble opinion ;)