No More
I've been a bit out of balance lately but I guess that's just a nice way of saying that I've been slightly pissed off with some people, some situations and some attitudes. I had to think deep the moment I realised that I was angry because I know I'm normally not like this and I'm certainly not just angry for no reason. I'm normally relaxed and willing to help whenever help is needed.
So I've been thinking and I realised that over the last few days, I had a crazy amount of emails coming in all from people who needed my help in some way. Normally I wouldn't have had a problem with it but this time it pissed me off and I wanted them to stop bothering me. I started to look for the cause of my anger and realised that what it came down to is showing respect.
I don't know how many posts I've written about the use of bcc/cc and how much I hate it if my info is spread across the world without giving it thought or without my consent: it's a privacy matter! I wish for people to respect this. I was forced to delete that email account, having to notify all clients, change contacts and online settings, all because of people not being careful.
I'm disappointed that I put my trust in people, help them by doing them favours and not being treated with respect in return. Some simply seem to ignore that I am busy too: sorting out my life and trying to get things back together for me, myself... I need my precious time to work on freelance projects but also to find a way to solve my issues so I can finally have my life back.
And how much I yearn for this to happen and how hard I work for this to make it happen. So I've decided that from now on, I'll stop being the nice person because no matter what I do, it seems that it's never enough and there's always the next favour. I'm gonna say no to people, because I'm tired of being nice. I should be nice to myself instead and do myself a favour...
Lately I've had severe problems with my wrist, fingers, arm and shoulder: the RSI is back and letting me know that it doesn't agree with my 'being nice' attitude. My body is telling me to stay away from the computer thus those people... and you know what? I'm gonna work on my own things from now on: those things that should have priority above all else, always, at all times.
So when I'm in pain at night and I can't sleep because of the RSI acting up then I will at least know that my pain is my own and not caused by the fact that I didn't set my boundaries to protect myself. I'm responsible for creating respect and dignity and to communicating to other's that I have worth. So from now on: no more Ms Nice Gal... I'm done, finished, thru...
HUGS!
PS: Mark Ryden's painting are something to behold!
Hi Tess,
Sorry to hear that your wrist is hurting and that you are feeling that some people are not respecting your boundaries. Sometimes it is important to set them right and let people know that you have a life too (just in case they conveniently forget) and that you will get back to them when you can. Sometimes people are just plain disrespectful and it is important to set the record straight :)
I hope that you are enjoying your weekend :)
Amen. After all the favours have been done, you are left with only you. Everyone is happy and gone and you have spent your time taking care of other peoples needs instead of your own. Girl there is nothing wrong in putting yourself first. You are focussed and hard working (take care of that RSI, it's not a good thing for a designer!), you deserve to be kind to yourself.
Go out and treat yourself, indulge, spoil yourself with some sushi or make yourself some nasi goreng. ;)
Sending you happy thoughts from over the pond!
Sorry about the late response, I will visit your blogs asap, I read posts but didn't leave a comment yet...
Dalton: hi Dalton, thanks: I needed that :) Had a bit of a bad day I guess...
Ryden: yes they're beautiful, strange but beautiful. Somehow it reminds me of Tim Burton, no idea why, guess it must be the combination of dark and beautiful ;) I admire his work!
Wen: hi Wen, you're right... I normally don't mind helping people at all and I still did but what I don't get is the fact that while doing them a favour they still ask for more, so yes it's about time that I say 'no'... I had a busy but nice weekend, hope yours was good too!
Ismoyo: thank you for your sweet words, needed those! I tend to forget to put myself first most of the time but you're right, thank you for reminding me! :) Nasi goreng *mmmm* that is a mouth-watering idea actually *hehe*
Mark Ryden's work is something to behold when seen in person! I met him a few years ago when he had a show here in Seattle. He's like a rock star here.
Take care of yourself! If others can't realize that, they need to get a clue. I find it especially annoying when I hear from someone that I hadn't heard from in a long time only to find out they just need something from me.
Hi Tess :) I need to send you an e-mail but I can't find your e-mail address :( Would you mind sending it to me again please if you still have my e-mal address? :) Thanks,
Hey Tess you really seem to be pissed off. Well rule of thumb - take care of your health first then take care of your health and the ones around you then repeat step one and two.
I guess this is not about being selfish but about being precautions. what about the image.
Dalton: I think you might have told me about the show... Can't you persuade him to have one in London? *hehe* Thanks for your sweet words :)
Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean, kinda sad in a way huh? So you refuse if they ask and tell them why? Guess that's the 'hard' part. Not to me though: if I need to be bitchy I will be bitchy, it just takes some time for me to get in that mode... :-O
Wen: hi Wen, I just sent you an email... My address is still on here but hidden in my 'About Me' section, have a good look... ;) Sorry about the late response I just noticed all the comments, was kinda in the middle of something :) Looking forward to receiving your email...
Reuben: hey Reuben, yes I was kinda pissed off. People should respect each other's privacy and boundaries... You're right I should look after my health first, guess that's my number one reason now for staying away from the computer more often. The image is by a painter called Mark Ryden, if you click the copyright symbol it will take you to his website. He has some amazing paintings in my humble opinion ;)
Hi Tess!
It's something I go through as well. When we assist others we are sometimes giving our energies to them. Trouble is, when we are *spent* of our own energies it brings us to *empty*. You just get to know that you get to say *not today*.
Love ya girl!
Mon
Monica: hi dear friend! That's an interesting thought that you're sharing! I like that -not today- attitude... and I think I'll be needing some practise with that *hehe* Thanks for your insight, I appreciate that and I'm learning new ways every day :)
Love ya too! *HUG!*