Juggling Words
A while ago, I think it's about two years, I registered with a Lowland version of something similar to Friends Reunited here in the UK. It's a website to find childhood friends again, I registered just out of curiosity and to see who was on there. Quite a few people contacted me through email ever since, wondering what has become of me. At times it might be nice to hear from people from the past and it's even nicer to hear what kind of impression you seem to have left or what memories. All of them seem to remember me sketching and drawing during lessons and breaks and some even kept my drawings all those years which is quite flattering. But I have to say I have doubts about the whole thing lately because I started to fail to see the point of all this when I discovered a pattern.
Let me explain: you'll get an email in at some point, just a short one with an introduction about the sender and ending with the usual questions: how are you, what are you doing these days, where do you live, are you married, do you have children etc. And then you'll end up replying to their email, carefully juggling the words trying to keep the balance between past and present. They usually ask me how my parents are, especially my dad; all my friends loved him because he was always interested in them and would ask questions or tell them one of his many stories. So I end up writing them that he passed away and tell them that I'm fine about it since most people don't understand that, to me, death isn't something final. It's a transition which I celebrate, but how can you explain what took me years in a few lines?
Then there is a next email in which they proudly show a few pictures -followed by a request for yours- of their husband and/or wife and the children, because that's how life is supposed to be to most: settle down and have a family. Of course I end up juggling with words again since I've always been an exception to the rule and my lifestyle is regarded as being at least a bit odd, but since I'm a creative person, even an artist to some, it's accepted that I don't have children and I'm not married *yet*, so I'm told. If I'm 'lucky' I will get a follow-up email and then it usually stops there. Why you wonder? Well because I have nothing to tell them except for bringing up some memories and that's where it stops. How can I relate to someone that has missed about 20 years of my life? How can I explain how I became the person that I am today?
One other thing that bothers me is the fact that some of them still have connections with my family somehow. I'm not afraid of telling them certain things, but I know I'll take a risk by doing so and some things are better left unsaid. I really don't care what they think of me, the truth will come out some day anyway but it doesn't mean I should add fuel to the fire: they don't need to hear from me, so it's better to keep my distance, literally... After all, I moved here for a reason. I also believe in fate, if it was meant to be, these people would've stayed in my life for some reason, but they didn't and I don't feel much for bringing back ghost from the past just to satisfy their curiosity and hunger for a tiny snippet of information. I really don't feel like keeping some channels open for correspondence...
There is enough going on in my life already without having the urge for expanding and getting involved in more time-consuming activities, I simply don't want to. I would love to give my time to those who are actually part of my life, this life, here and now and not something that 'has been'... So I guess it might be best to put the profile on inactive. People end up having different walks of life, they choose different directions and paths which is only normal, but trying to keep something alive that is no longer there is simply a waste of time... I'd rather spend it in a more useful and far more enjoyable way: I met up with Ismoyo last Tuesday and had a wonderful time showing her around parts of London. She was over from NY for a few days to work on her project, a craft book which will be published and released in the US this year.
If you'd like to read more I suggest you'll go over and visit her wonderful blog!
Hi :) I have also noticed when I check my Hi5 and my Facebook that the pictures of my exclassmates are changing. They are almost all pregnant or they have kids already! Some of them are married, most of them are not :) I guess society there is getting more relaxed about these things ;)
And I don't exchange any e-mails with them :) because we have nothing to say after we chat a bit like: where are you living? oh really? since when? and what do you do there? how many kids do you have? :) And then it stops :) It is still nice to know that should you want to send an e-mail to them for some reason they are there :)
Have a lovely weekend Tess,
Hi Wen! Society here seems to have a problem with 'single' women of a certain age. I'm passed the age where you're expected to have found your husband, settle down and have children. It's not that I don't want to, I've been with the wrong men in the past who were not willing to commit let alone love me... So yes society here [UK/NL] stigmatizes me ;)
The people I'm referring to are no longer friends, I really have nothing in common. It's time to move on and make new friends with people I can relate to. I don't want to cling on to the past: we've grown apart and I'm so passed the chit-chat phase, if you know what I mean ;)
Have a wonderful weekend too!
Hey Lady!
I've arrived safely in Amsterdam by now. London was wonderful, thank you sooooo much for taking the time to show me around, you were great and generous. Everything with the shoots and the publisher went terrific, i will send you a looong email when i'm back in NY ok?
Hope you're having a great weekend, stay strong and sweet!
Hi gal :)
Glad to hear you are safe in Amsterdam! Hope you're having a great time there, enjoy!!! I had a lovely time showing you around and chatting, it was a pleasure! I'm really eager to see the results of the shoots and I'm happy to hear all went well! :)
No worries about email, take your time k? Hubby must have missed you so first things first ;)
Speak soon and enjoy Amsterdam! :)
ps, if you have trouble with BA/terminal on way back, call me: you're welcome to stay if needed!
Those little suckers are really moving out!
Strange I should ramble about classmates the other day.
There are a few I wouldn't mind seeing or am just curious about, but after 10 minutes or so I guess everything will just about be covered, so really I might just as well spend my time talking with just about any other stranger I might happen to meet.
And everything seems to be covered when that "certain" topic is reached and I answer in the negative.
Time for some de-stigmatizing perhaps? Not that Society's opinion matters much to me ;-)
Oh. . . there's a new TV show on now, "H.S. Reunion"
No I haven't watched it. From the ads it looks like something Jerry Springer came up with. I just find it hard to believe that after 20 years, H.S. is still the high point in some people's lives and they want to take up where they left off even after all that time.
Jim: Yup, it has grown even bigger over the last few days...
Which 'certain' topic are you talking about: there seem to be a few causing confused answers and disturbed looks... ;)
De-stigmatizing: wonder how you would see that? Something we could do together perhaps? *hehe* Oh... society's opinion never bothered me much: I had green and blue hair at a very young age *LOL* and a pissed off mum who didn't know how to explain that to 'society'... My middle name is Rebel ;)
Yeah that is part of the past that I don't really bother about. Its the past good since it shaped me the way I am but it stops there. I don't really like to chat without a reason or just for the fun of it.
The big "M" ;-)
And the "K" topic follows closely.
I also find it strange that it's acceptable to have a failed joining sanctioned by the State and/or Church, but unacceptable if papers have never been drawn, successful or not.
We could do some de-stigmatizing, although I might wanna give it some other label (the word seems to imply I care what sheep think ;-) )
Reuben: good for you! It seems to matter to some people and I too fail to understand why... I agree with you, it did shape you but that would be more reason to me, unlike others, to let go and move on :)
Jim: *LOL* we are on the same page then... You have a point there, paper-wise, funny I never gave that much thought but you're right; same issue here and in NL.
I know you don't care about sheep thoughts: let's call it a prenuptial agreement... *kidding!*
Kidding? Sheep? ;-)
It's more then just about papers, but I just couldn't get my thoughts organized and put into words (still can't).
Something I noticed years ago.
I had several friends/acquaintances that had been in long-term relationships. Some obviously were in it for the long haul. But once it became "official", I found myself no longer on the guest list. . . . whether I was "alone" or not.
No singles allowed at the M. club ;-)
Didn't bother me really, but I was curious and had to dig a bit.
People can be so strange. It seems the answer that kept coming up is that marrieds feel threatened by the singles and feel the need that you should become like them.
Now don't get me wrong.
Not all are that way and not all removed me from their lists ;-)
And I'm not anti-M. I'll join the club one day, but not to satisfy Soc., only when The One invites me :-)
(sorry, seems my soapbox is out this morning. lemme put it away. after all, this one is yours)