Easter Eggs
I'm still recovering from an intense Easter Sunday so I'm not sure if what I will write in my post will make any sense. I guess I shouldn't even try... Yesterday I went over to Maurice and Warren's to spend the day there: eating, drinking, playing silly games and having fun. It's been a while since I've had tears of laughter watching a guy doing a lap dance and totally cracking me up. It's been a while since I took the piss out of friends because they couldn't stand losing a silly game[s]. I came home at 06.45 this morning feeling totally knackered and ready to catch up on some sleep. After six hours of rest I still feel like I'm not on this planet so I haven't done much today which is ok I guess. I'm just gonna have a slow day/evening and relax a bit.
Maurice and Warren cooked a lovely dinner yesterday and for the third time in my life I had lamb, which to some might seem as something not worth mentioning, but since this is the country of 'lamb dinners', admitting to anyone British, that you don't like lamb is like committing an offence. So when Maurice mentioned it the other day, I cautiously tried to explain to him that it's not really one of my favourite dishes [shank], but I was willing to give it a try. I don't like the strong flavour and the only two times I had it, the meat was either barbecued [chops] or minced [shish kebab]. Anything that is slightly gamey puts me off but I tried and I must say, I kind of liked it, although I probably would never order it at a restaurant. I had a traditional Sunday roast and it was good but I'd rather watch those lambs being silly.
It's weird but even though I had a great Easter I can't shake off that feeling of realisation and feeling sad on days like these. I had a tough, long, four-days-weekend altogether so being able to spend time with friends was an extremely welcome distraction. I was confronted again with ghosts from the past and certain decisions had to be made that forced me to think about what happened last year. Time is running out and I can feel the pressure and tension building up. It's freaky because on one hand I'm getting the progress I was looking for but on the other it seems to trigger a negative impatient spurt with the other party. All of a sudden decisions are made for me, or I'm forced to decide about matters that I can't decide about until my life is reconstructed again. Reality starts hitting me hard and more often.
I can sense change, which is good, if only I can stay sane while all of this is going on putting more and more pressure on me. I noticed I no longer fight things and instead agree quietly without a word, just for the sake of it. I wonder how much one is supposed to literally lose in order to gain or win. Was it really all worth fighting for in the end? Tomorrow is exactly one year ago and if I look back all I can see are struggles: a rough sea with gales, force ten at least... How I wish to find my harbour and a beautiful calm sea where I can sit on a bench listening to the still life in front of me. How I long to have Easter breakfast accompanied by that one person who is closer to me than anyone else and yet so far away; I know he would hide eggs for me, just for me, because he wants me to be happy and be silly for a moment.
Perhaps next year...
I have only had lamb a couple of times too, I am not a big fan either :)
Sometimes on Sunday I tend to feel a bit down, I don't know why, perhaps because the week is going to start soon :) or because I have more time to think and thus I tend to over analize, or because ghosts also knock on the door sometimes too...I try to make myself busy on Sundays but now that sense of feeling a bit down (or very) is suddenly improving. I tend to breath in and out in a more relaxed way and to be thankful for all the good things that have happened to me :) for work, for love and for friends too :)
It is great that you can sense that change is coming to you. This phrase I find it to fundamental "noticed I no longer fight things and instead agree quietly without a word, just for the sake of it"
I wish you all the best with the changes that you sense are coming. Hugs :)
Yes although I do not consider myself being quite the religious person I do understand that for some people easter is a time of grief and joy, I do understand that this is a time of celebration.
Ghosts of the past, how much I understand you.
The photo:- Why is the sea or water always so associated with stillness, I ask this many times?
Wen: I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one who's not keen on eating lamb ;)
You're not a Capricorn by any chance, are you? *hehe* I tend to over-analyse too... I used to keep myself busy as well but I noticed that this -in a way- is the same as 'avoiding' and it doesn't work for me. I believe someone is down for a reason and there's nothing wrong with that, so it needs to get out of your system... better listen to that then trying to 'ignore'.
Counting your blessings is never a bad thing ;)
Thanks Wen :) hugs back at ya!
Reuben: I must say, I was raised in a Catholic way but I'm not practising anymore. I guess again, it has to do with childhood memories: hiding eggs, fluffy little toy chicks on the table, lots of yellow, daffodils, chocolate etc.
To me Easter would be about making breakfast for my significant other, bake fresh croissants, smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, orange juice, a mug of good fresh coffee [Indonesian style though], take time to enjoy and make it all cosy... A way to celebrate Spring ;)
Ghosts... I hope they'll be gone some day soon, I'd like to cast them out asap!
Sea, water... very good question! I will give it some thought and tell you when I think I've found the answer... intriguing... you got me thinking ;)
Yes sea water and anything else that surrounds us makes me think, as if they can almost think and communicate with us.
The water comments got me thinking too.
I hope it's OK to post this passage where my thinking led me.
Tenderly, he looked into the rushing water, into the transparent green,
into the crystal lines of its drawing, so rich in secrets. Bright
pearls he saw rising from the deep, quiet bubbles of air floating on
the reflecting surface, the blue of the sky being depicted in it. With
a thousand eyes, the river looked at him, with green ones, with white
ones, with crystal ones, with sky-blue ones. How did he love this
water, how did it delight him, how grateful was he to it! In his heart
he heard the voice talking, which was newly awaking, and it told him:
Love this water! Stay near it! Learn from it! Oh yes, he wanted to
learn from it, he wanted to listen to it. He who would understand this
water and its secrets, so it seemed to him, would also understand many
other things, many secrets, all secrets.
Reuben: it wouldn't surpise me if they actually could but it must be on a subconscious level somehow. I know animals seem to be able to pick up vibes for instance so I'm sure everything around us must have some way to do this...
Jim: I love your text... guess I don't have to explain to you why ;)
I'm sure there will be plenty of future opportunities to find that mesmerising place or at least something similar, perhaps somewhere on or near a boat? :)
Oh I'm bad, I forgot to acknowledge the author here and on the other. Would you mind editing them for me?
— Siddhartha, Hermann Hesse
You know why it was even in me head when I got to thinking about not just water, but so many other things. Thanks once again. :)
The more I think of it, the more appealing a boat sounds to me.
Yeah but I guess just listening makes all the difference. So usually I just stop, sit and listen then like magic things start to communicate thoughts and there where my EOS comes in. So I must agree with the subconcious idea.