Bless Me!
I'm always surprised how easy it is to start taking certain things in life for granted. And as soon as that hits me I feel ashamed because I should be grateful for what I have and count my blessings instead. I had a tough Wednesday night this week when I was reminded again of some very unpleasant moments last year. And since I wasn't made to feel welcome by all the harsh remarks that were made, I ended up running out of the house in tears. I had to get away from the ghosts for a few minutes and called M. to get things off my chest while I wandered around the area. I stayed out for 45 minutes, it was cold and freezing that evening, but I didn't really notice.
After a really bad night, I woke up the next morning feeling extremely down and not in the mood to make any changes that would contribute to my near future. I ended up communicating with two people who are the closest ones in my life at the moment. And after some time when I took a short break, making my first mug of coffee in the kitchen that day, it suddenly hit me while I stared at the kettle waiting for the water to boil. I was thinking about my conversation with M. the previous night and about the conversation that I was having with J. I felt embarrassed and wondered what the hell happened to my willpower and why I still allowed someone to control me like this.
Instead of judging the situation or myself, I started thinking about all the amazing gifts I had received over the last few weeks. A beautiful Valentine's message, wonderful words of appreciation left by my readers, phone calls from friends across the Canal and from Scotland, encouraging emails, a bright sunny Sunday so I could go out and enjoy the scenery and satisfy my photography addiction, the foxes that I saw nosing each other out in the middle of the night only a few metres away from me, lunar eclipses, birds singing at dawn, an ex-colleague but most of all a dear friend telling me he misses me, trees blossoming and J. showing me a different perspective and the right angle that morning...
I managed to snap out of it because J. reminded me to put myself in a better place, which was the greatest gift someone could've given me that day. I wrote an email to a recruitment agency that M. had suggested to me: set up by former colleagues of his. He had gone there to have a chat with them that same Thursday morning. A few emails later I was invited for an interview on Friday at ten which lasted for almost two hours. That, is extremely unusual over here but I had a great time talking to this woman who had also been a recruiter in Amsterdam for a few years up until some months ago. She has given me extremely useful information and advice and I felt that finally someone had taken time to listen to me!
Since yesterday I already have three inspiring options through this agency, with three awesome [design] companies here in London. Both design companies work with Dutch clients and being Dutch is a major advantage in this case since the Dutch clients prefer to communicate in their own language. One of these clients is based in Amsterdam and it means I would have to fly and work there on the project for a few weeks. The third job option is a well-known charity within the UK and international. So I will be busy over the weekend finishing some portfolios in PDF format which will be send out to these [design] companies on Monday.
I will start freelance but two roles have the potential to become a full time creative directors position... The universe is smiling at me again, so please let me not forget how to hold on to this feeling this time, but if I do, don't hesitate to remind me! *hug*
Hi Tess!
Sorry to hear that you were feeling sad on Wednesday. But it is nice to read that you had friends that were there to listen to you and who gave you good ideas!
It is amazing how life can be bright all of a sudden when more options are available. Those three options that the agency has given you sound splendid. The one of the Dutch company sounds like tailor made! Very glad for you! Me, I am also considering some changes in my life too...perhaps a transfer in the same company because I really like this company so I wouldn't dream of leaving it but I feel that a change would do me good as the song says...we'll see this week. I'll keep you posted :)
It is true. Sometimes we take so many things for granted...just like the beautiful bird in your picture :) Sometimes hubby takes for granted the beauty of the sea that surrounds us and I remind him how lucky we are to be so close to the sea and how beautiful it is. And he tells me something like he has lived here all his life so sometimes it is good to remind him :)
Whenever you feel sad feel free to send me an e-mail if you wish. Sometimes sharing your thoughts and anxieties with your blog buddies can help a lot! I have just done so (re the house thing) and am feeling much better now! :)
Have a lovely week Tess!
Wen, I'm sorry about the late response, I had problems with my server: my blog and back end admin user interface had disappeared over night *LOL* so I couldn't do anything today :(
About your comment: yes I'm blessed with these two ;)
Jobs: thank you! I hope I will get them, didn't hear anything yet but will keep you up to date if my blog won't disappear again. Oh I hope you'll be able to make those changes, that would be great! If you 'play it right' you might even be able to solve the 'home' issue ;)
Ah, the sea... I miss the sea a lot: long walks in the wind just to clear my head, keep reminding him, you're both right :)
Thank you for your offer, that's really sweet of you! You're right about sharing and I might share with you some day, but this is a long, long, long sad story and continuous, but nearly finished ;) Have a wonderful week yourself!
Tessie, let's keep that Thursday feeling going and not let anything get in the way of your rediscovered willpower.
Enthusiasm, passion, and support is here for you even if it shows itself in strange or unusual ways. . . try not to let the unusual or unexpected be a distraction.
The cage door is open, don't let it sneak shut again.
Use those wings and fly!!
ps— he wants to sing duets ;-)
I have to remind myself to come back here and read this, let's hope I don't have to come back here and read it though, only because I wish to, to see the progress after some time and be happy about it... Realising what I've left behind already.
Flying can be pretty scary if you haven't done it for a while, wings can be stiff and out of practise but lately I have been able to sing again and yes I wouldn't mind singing a duet :)
It's a start isn't it? I'm sitting there on the edge... yes the door is open but I'm sitting there for a moment until I'm brave enough to flap those wings knowing I won't crash into the abyss ;)
The Universe is conspiring beautiful things for you!
*hehe* So I've noticed...
Thank you so much for the parcel! *hug&kiss* I especially love that tiny squirrel, too cute!
And the silkscreen prints are amazing! Good luck with the exhibition, sounds like lotsa fun!
Don't forget to take pics ;)
I was captured by both your words and the picture. I truly understand your situation for I am passing through some real difficult times myself now and I only now I am starting to come to understand that life is beautiful, but really. You come to understand this when you see a candle a life full of energy diminish bit by bit and slowly die. then you become in contact with the reality of life that time is limited. In the past I could almost flip the world but today I have understood how life really is, and as you said Tess in difficult times it is very hard to recognize your own self. I can only speak for myself where photography has been my escape or maybe the element that for me stops time not only to forgo to the future but also to erase the past as if it had never passed over me. At least now I know that to make a pot you need clay and it takes time to make exactly the shape you want.
I try to keep this Quote in mind by Albert Einstein and it keeps the engine on.
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."
Life is beautifully, and through observing nature I understand how much simplicity is the building block of everything that lies around.
Hi Reuben, thank you for your kind words!
I'm sorry to hear you're going through a difficult patch! But I'm happy though that you can use your photography to express your feelings. Your pictures are truly amazing and I can tell they have a much deeper meaning, I hope you'll continue posting them.
I love your quote and I so agree... but sometimes it's hard to find the middle, the centre, the balance... You'll ride the storm, I'm sure you will!
Can I remind and be reminded?