Act Together

As soon as you think you've finally got your act together, something happens...
He sent me mail today.

And all of a sudden this intense anger was there. Why does he even bother to write me since I haven't heard from him for 3 weeks. Why is he showing interest in me when I don't really need it. I needed him when I was at the hospital, before and after the surgery. Just his presence for 10 minutes would have been enough. Just telling me one of his stupid jokes that would make me smile again and forget the fear for a second. A simple phone call or sms or even an email... just to show me that he cared.

God I am so angry. I have been crying because I still have so much feelings for this man. Yes I am angry but I still understand why he wasn't there for me. It's not an excuse to just forgive him. I am hurt, deeply hurt. He tells me he is home so I could call him. I can't call him now, I am too angry and hurt too much. I need time to let this anger go.

I had him out of my system, he was exit. Well I guess I thought he was and I've been completely fooling myself; trying so hard not to get hurt again. And the moment that mail came in, I found myself having feelings again and I was happy and angry at the same time. Then disappointed and sad. Why, I need to know why he did this. I need to know why I allow myself to get hurt again and again and again.

He says he feels like he let me down...
Yes he did
He is showing regret...
What does he expect from me??????
He leaves it up to me to contact him...
What the hell does he still want from me???
He says he's got a lot to tell

Well, he'd better start talking then...
Because things are getting old and I am very impatient at the moment
But I guess that's because I'm hurt, deeply hurt.