Calais

What a stressful weekend, I was happy to see his mum again, I was happy to help him move all the stuff out of the house, I was happy to be with him and spend time with him. But...

It was one very stressful weekend for both of us

I was emotional because his mum and the ex wife of his brother asked me if I had or wanted kids of my own. It made me realise how fragile this relationship is. It made me realise that I will have no children with him because he doesn't want anymore children. It made me realise that we are still trying to build up something together, taking baby steps in my reality but giant steps in his. It made me realise that I was still not part of his life... He is trying though, I can see it. But it hurts when you realise that the person you love is keeping this certain distance, not sharing that part of his life with you that is most important to him. That is hard at times to deal with...

The next day we had an argument about nothing and he hurt me deeply. Talking harsh words to me. He is such a sweet man and I can't understand why he feels the need to hurt me like that when he is angry. What have I done to deserve this? Why can't we just talk things out in a normal way. Why does he get annoyed? I don't understand. I don't understand him...

All I did was helping him out that weekend, I did nothing wrong. It was such a beautiful day, I just wanted to enjoy it with him. Relax a bit. I had fun with him too, it's just that when someone hurts me for no reason I can't help feeling sad inside. I will always try to stay calm and talk things out because it is no use to try to hurt or upset the other party by saying harsh things. This is something I do not understand.

It is about paying respect and act as adults. Hurting each other is not adult behaviour is it? Still it was a beautiful day and I enjoyed it very much, had a walk thru Calais and later that day had a delicious dinner in Belgium.