I've met up with my friend Karin yesterday. We've known each other for quite some time but while I was still living in the Lowlands she decided to move to London at some point, came back to the Lowlands after a few years and then moved back again to London. I moved a few times myself over the years and because of that I lost contact with her. Lucky me I registered a while ago with a website similar to Friends Reunited and found out that she basically lived 'around the corner' from me in London for two years before she decided to move to Surrey. I asked her to come along to the annual Picture Buyers' Fair organised by the British Association of Picture Libraries and Agencies. It's a good opportunity to do some networking and see Maurice at work *LOL*. Although I didn't expect much it turned out to be a really awesome day.
I talked with some very interesting people which reminds me that I still have to visit a website of a photographer who had some amazing pictures on display. I promised to email him because we ended up having a discussion about web design and how most websites look like crap and so unprofessional. When I mentioned this I was trying to be modest and didn't use those exact words but he bluntly corrected me and we had a good laugh about it. His pictures are the kind that will keep you intrigued for hours, staring at them. Pictures of forgotten ancient places, specialising in the fantastic and the supernatural. Eight books have been published by him and he had numerous exhibitions worldwide. Some of his pictures are part of famous collections in London, Paris and California. I will ask him if I have permission to use one of his pictures here.
I also met a very nice Dutch woman: while Karin and I were discussing something, she overheard the conversation and we ended up having lunch together and talked for at least half an hour. She lives in Scotland, is a photographer and has her own business. She was extremely interested in my photography and offered to represent me. So if all goes well my pictures will be archived and for sale soon. This is the third professional photographer who shows interest in my pictures which is great. I will also be represented by another company who asked me a while ago if I was interested in putting my pictures up for sale. I haven't done anything about it yet: I have about 4000 on archive and will have to make a selection first which is going to take quite some time, but it will be fun and I'm really looking forward to this!
In the meantime I'm still busy designing the second phase of a website for a new company that needs branding. I'm not allowed to write anything but it's fun and quite a challenge and I'll be working on this over the weekend. I've been looking at cameras for some time already and always said to myself that the one I currently use is fine but if this is going to be a success it won't take much to convince myself to upgrade to a better camera... Just the thought of all this is extremely uplifting and the fact that people seem to appreciate my images on a professional level is the best compliment I could ever get! I'm eager to take the next step! *hehe*
If you wonder where I've been... Well besides being busy I had to come to terms with a few issues so I needed time to reflect. Things have been slightly rough again lately or perhaps they still were: I might have been a bit in denial for some time and were forced to face it over the last few weeks. I had some kinda wake-up call and I'm not so sure yet if I should be happy about the situation or not. Actually there are a few, not just one...
Some things can make me feel extremely helpless and leave me frustrated or upset. I see someone close and dear struggling and I see someone else being completely absorbed by a relationship resulting in losing identity. In the first situation it happens long-distance so I can't do anything about it except being there when I'm needed and I seem to fail doing so because of my own needs, making it hard to juggle. This one is passionate and slightly complicated...
In the second situation I just found out that the person might not be aware or is just blissfully in denial. I can see change in character because of the influence of a partner. Don't get me wrong, I've been in a similar situation so I guess that's exactly why my radar picked it up. Again I can't say or do anything about it but sit this one out and when it does I better have the Kleenex and a spare room ready. I just need to figure out a way to deal with it in the meantime...
Now picture my chauldron filled to the rim with the above ingredients including an equal measure of my own concerns which aren't exactly rosy at the moment either. Let it stew for a while... And after making a real meal out of it, the result is something that then needs to be consumed while it doesn't really look tasty at all: a bit burnt even. Then after consuming there's cleaning to be done so you might understand what all of this is heading for in the long run.
I'm in serious need of a time-out, so I'm taking one and only focus on the job section for now until that is all sorted. Yes it is kinda tough to me because I find it difficult to put myself first and it feels like I'm running away from others but I figured out that if I don't put myself first I can't be there for anyone else. So it will always be a Catch-22 if I don't decide to do what is best for me. I'm a fast learner but a slow achiever neither is good/bad, just extremely inconvenient at times.
Last week's other activities involved chasing up someone in the US about an order that I placed a month ago, voting for the first time in London and discovering a most beautiful art deco library [polling station] five minutes from where I live, finishing complex time-consuming flash animations, getting frustrated about recruitment agencies and their inconsistent terms of folio sizes and CV formats, I have twelve different versions of both: the number is still increasing...
So yesterday was May Day in the UK, my parents' Wedding Day, Liberation Day in the Lowlands and a day for me to relax and clear my head. It was sunny and perfect to go for a stroll in the woods. Today will be another day of annoying recruitment registrations... At least my parcel from the US finally arrived this morning. A creative gift: something I wanted for years, to brighten my day and hopefully someone else's when I will use it... and I'm eager to!
I'm having a ball lately but should try to find my balance... I did the painting below last Sunday, it was extremely relaxing! The book is a true inspiration and I'm doing too many things at once but it was fun and I needed this to make a decision about another project I'm working on. I had a creative block with that one since I had too many options, too many ideas and too many ways of creating artwork... It slowly starts to get shape which is a challenge, so I can't write much because I need to be busy working on this assignment now *hehe*
Thanks to the gift of this wonderful person I have found my long lost craving for words again and I started reading books and actually finish them instead of giving up when I only have 35 more pages to go... But I believe there is a difference in just reading a book for entertainment value or actually taking in each and every written word, consuming the deeper meaning and trying to read the message between the lines. Perhaps it's the kind of books that I like to read which make me look for the deeper meaning, I don't know. I don't read 'simple' books and I guess because I seem to be a complicated kind of woman I like my books complicated as well. The books that I read these days and that I used to read in the past, you would mostly find in the psychology section of a library, on the other hand, I also had a SF phase when I was 12 years old...
My love for reading came at an early age, I was eight years old when my level of reading was exceptionally good for a child my age. Twice a year we had to do a reading test where a government-sent stranger would come into school and call the pupils one by one to sit down in front of him or her at a small desk at the end of the long corridor. Where you had to start reading out loud long lists of words, as many as you could within three minutes. Words that were hard to pronounce, with more than three syllables, words that an eight year old didn't understand yet. One by one you would have to leave the classroom, walk towards the stranger waiting for you to deliver, which was threatening in a way. And because my results were good, the teacher wanted me to go to another classroom each Friday to sit and read with the nine/ten year old kids.
It was a frightening and exciting experience whenever Friday came around and I was asked to leave the classroom at a certain hour to read with the other kids two doors further down the corridor. It's scary at that age to walk into a room with kids that are one or two years older and staring at you, kids that you normally don't even talk to or play with. You see, my elder brother was in that class too so it all felt a bit weird to me. Each and every pupil had their own desk to keep their own books, pencils etc. it would be your desk assigned to you for a whole year. So I would be sitting at a desk that wasn't taken by one of the pupils, a spare desk close to the teacher. Children were asked to read a few pages out loud taking turns and from what I can remember reading class was about two hours so it was very likely that I had my turn as well...
In those days it wasn't unusual for me to go to the library twice a week and come home with the maximum amount of books that you were allowed to borrow, in my case that would be five and I would've finished them five days later, return them and get new ones. I guess when you get older you start to appreciate the amount of spare time that you had as a child, these days I would be extremely happy if I would be able to finish a book within a month. Especially the kind of books that I read which force you to put them down for a while and think about the content. The book I've started to read last Wednesday is called 'Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths & Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype' written by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. It has over 500 pages and I've finished reading another chapter last night which was called Bluebeard.
I basically had to force myself to stop reading, the book is very intriguing so I promised myself to read one chapter at a time. I read about the Bluebeard tale and how it's part of the dark psyche of women, the destructive side. All I've read so far has left a deep impression on me because I recognise so many things in the book, situations that I'm currently in or emotions that I've experienced, things that I can easily apply to my own life. It gives me insight and a way to deal with the past and improve and find spiritual growth. I strongly recommend this book to women out there who lost and/or neglected their own 'self'. This particular chapter about Bluebeard was a true eye-opener to me and I'm sure it might help others going through a similar phase in life.
I'm eager to finish this book but I wanted to share this in order to make others aware of its existence. It's been published in 1992 and I'm sure I'm 'late' in my discovery but I regard this as a timeless jewel. It's a second hand book and it wasn't the type of book that I thought it would be much better to be honest. The title caught my eye for some unknown reason, perhaps because of the word Wolves... It has been in my possession since 2006 but I think it has been waiting for the right time for me to discover its value. I also would like to thank Jim and Wen, their enthusiasm for books inspired me as well.
I'm back from a hectic trip to the Lowlands which was absolutely draining and I'm still recovering from all the stress and lack of sleep. Friday A. and I left at 07.45 to go and pick up the van, we had to be there at 08.00. About half an hour later we were on our way to the tunnel where we arrived way too early [10:50]. That wasn't an issue because we could take an earlier train since the ticket was a so called 'Flexi Plus' ticket which gives you priority check-in on the next available train...
People just pitch up normally and see if there is a spot available and since the train is hardly ever fully booked it's quite easy to get a spot. We took the first train which would leave at 10.39 which seems like a long time to wait but they start loading the train 15 minutes before departure and everything is slightly rushed in a way. The system is brilliant and within 15 minutes from loading point the train will leave exactly on time and it only takes about 35 minutes to get to the other end.
We arrived in Calais - France at 12.10 and had to go to Antwerpen via Brugge and Gent, from there Breda, Utrecht, Amsterdam which would've taken about 4.5 hours at the most, if we would've been earlier that is. I'd totally forgotten that it was Friday afternoon, so first of all it was Friday-before-the-weekend rush hour and secondly there was way too much truck traffic on a four-lane road which goes all the way from Calais to Antwerpen. While their speed limit is mostly between 80 and 110 k/h there is no point in overtaking one another on a busy road.
But they did... and each time they did, it would cause cars to queue up in the left lane, because it takes them about 15 minutes to overtake. I'm sorry but I'm missing the point of doing that and holding up all other traffic. If there would've been a third lane, yes, go for it... but this doesn't make sense to me. By the time we were near Gent we were stuck in solid traffic jams all the way to the North of Antwerpen and again between Breda and Utrecht. So we arrived at the storage in Amsterdam 1.5 hours later than planned at 19.30.
A. and I started to load the van straight away, later joined by Tjalling and Carla, the job was done in 1.5 hours. We went to Carla's place to unwind and have dinner: a lovely meal of smoked eel and salmon, salmon potato salad, shrimps, fresh bread and of course herring: I only had six of them that evening *hehe*. The next day Carla and I went shopping for all the stuff that I can't get in the UK. Carla bought me a really cool gift: a Moleskine City notebook [I collect cool notebooks], something I've had an eye on for ages but it's quite expensive.
It was a lovely day to go for a stroll around the city and this time I didn't leave without taking some pictures for a special someone. I had to go to my favourite shop to get some tiny things there: de Hema... I've never had such great service as to this day and I wasn't the only one who noticed, then again at the Xenos where I had to look for some cooking equipment I got the same excellent service. Thank you people for making my day when I was in a rush to get all the things that I needed, you've been fantastic: I left both places with a huge grin on my face!
Carla and I had a drink at a coffee place next to the famous Flower Market enjoying the view and making fun of tourists. While we walked back home [we had walked around for five hours], we passed a church where they'd organised an antique market so we went in to have a look. Some of the stuff, that was for sale for ridiculous prices, is still to be found in my mums cupboards... I think I will go over some day and ask her if I could have some pieces, not to sell but to use it, she still has some Chinese crockery: rice bowls, spoons. All collecting dust...
We went out for a meal that evening at the Northern Star, a typical Amsterdam cafe which serves Dutch pub grub. The next morning we left at 08:15 and drove all the way to the Belgium border in one go where we took a 10 minutes break and hit the road again to Calais where we took the 12:50 train. We arrived at the storage in the UK at exactly 15.30 and got help from David and Luke. All was done an hour and a half later. Unfortunately when we went to fill up the tank, A. dented/scratched the brand new van when he hit a low wall that was impossible to see.
It will cost him the deposit, however the storage guy said it was his second van that was damaged by that same wall so he's going to have a word with the owner of the petrol station. It's been a hectic three days and I'm busy again working on a freelance assignment involving Flash at the mo that needs to be done by the end of this week so I won't have much time to post on here. I'll be busy over the weekend sorting out boxes and throwing out stuff that I no longer need. I need some structure in this chaos! How's yours?
I'm off to the Lowlands for a few days, hopefully I will get to ride my bicycle across town on Saturday, they better keep me on a lead *hehe*
But first things first and that's gonna be moving all my stuff in the truck and getting it ready for Sunday... I'm looking forward to see Carla and Tjalling! It will be an extremely short and hectic visit and the last time that I will be able to ride my bike in Amsterdam... It will cause some heads to turn in London and not because of the person on it but because of the bike which is like the one in the picture below but much much nicer *hehe*...
Pictures soon: when I get back, till then, no comments on this one but you could leave them on the previous post if you like *thank you!* See you soon! I'm off eating raw herring *YES!*
I've done something yesterday that I wasn't able to do in a long long time: I've finished a book... I know that might sound odd to some but I haven't been able to finish a book in years. I always start reading them but I never finish. Last Friday when I was at the hospital I had to wait for an hour so I was clever this time and brought a book. I started reading this book for the third time in December last year when I had to go see the doctor for a checkup on what happened in October. Needless to say that I stopped reading again after that particular occasion until Friday last week. I remember I was at page fifty of 177 but started at page thirty again and by the time I was called in by the doctor I was at page seventy. I have to admit when the doctor called I didn't feel like putting the book away, I wanted to continue reading and was slightly disappointed that I had to put it in my handbag where it has been hidden till last night...
Last night I decided to have an early night and read the book instead of spending a few hours playing my Sudoku game. It was a strange decision because playing a Sudoku game is a challenge to me while reading a book seemed to have lost its glam over the years and I think it has to do with me not being patient and in a way with trying to find closure. I always had endless to-do-lists and they used to stress me out, so these days I try to manage things in a better way and finish them. It's better to finish a few than having a list of half-done unfinished projects. Reading a book would be one of them since I don't have time to finish it within a day for instance. I would have to continue reading it for at least a few days or even weeks which would cause a possibility for procrastination hence not finishing the book at all. Which is exactly what happened all those years; there would always be a better moment or the next day...
So finishing this book was quite an achievement and I couldn't have done it without help from someone who didn't even realise that he has been an example to me, has been unknowingly given me the encouragement that I needed. I read about treasures, destiny, the One true love, about losing everything, about leaving the past behind and living in the moment: here and now, about giving up everything and start allover again from scratch, about the universal language and the Soul of the World, about omens, the Philosophers Stone and the Water of Life, about despair and about hope. It was the right moment to continue reading and the right evening to finish the book. It all started to make sense to me while I was able to take in each and every word, read between the lines and gather the deeper meaning and understanding of what the author was trying to tell.
I've been touched by this book and found my long lost hunger for words, knowledge, facts, wisdom and much needed lessons in life again. So from now on I will continue to feed the mind and soul and try to finish more books. Thank you... you know who you are!
I'm gonna be busy this week so no post probably [but you never know]... Had a busy Friday yesterday: visit to the hospital and meeting up for freelance work at Camden. I'll be working on some new stuff for the next couple of days so I won't be online much. There's some cool design projects in the pipeline and I also have to finish a WordPress template for Farfallina still. I was called Friday afternoon about another offer for a senior web designer's role so will have to sort that out on Monday and by the end of the week I will be in the Lowlands for a rapid visit to collect my stuff from storage there and move it to the UK. Another step that needs to be taken which will probably cause some emotional stir to me.
I'll be going through the Channel tunnel which has been a while... I think last time I used it was in 2002. Most of my friends think I'm crazy for doing this but I don't really have a problem with it to be honest. Yes it's freaky but so is an airplane in my humble opinion. And the boat is really not an option to me since 2004, when I ended up being stuck on it for 6 hours in a serious gale that was so bad it ripped out the back/emergency doors. Almost everyone on the boat was sick, even if you had sea legs, the sight and smell of people puking was enough to cause a similar reaction. On top of that I was 'launched' by the force of a wave, from one wall to the opposite one: almost ended up breaking my shoulder crashing into the wall. Never again...
I guess I will be completely knackered by the time I'm back in the UK again, it will be three days of moving basically without any help, so I could use some luck and some good vibes. I lost my mouse yesterday [the light grey one] he passed away: he was old, extremely old for a mouse, 2.5 years at least, but that doesn't make it easier... He had a good life and I will miss him. So let me be sad for a few days, he deserves it! So long my friend, thank you for the company! Everything seems to slowly vanish around me, I hope it means that the universe makes room for something new. It is going to be a chaotic time I'm afraid...
I feel lonely lately, very lonely and I can't seem to shake off this feeling.
[please check back after Monday the 21st]